When Triggers Speak Louder Than Truth

There’s a certain kind of pain that never fully goes away—the kind that comes from feeling abandoned.

Unwanted.

Unchosen.

And while healing teaches you how to cope and move forward, triggers still pull you back to the root of it all.

For me, that root runs deep.

Where It Started

I grew up without the kind of warmth, affection, or emotional safety a child instinctively craves.

Love felt conditional.

Affection was rare.

I often felt like I was too much, too emotional, or simply in the way.

Disconnected.

Out of place.

So I tried to earn love—through achievements, good grades, constant involvement in anything that might make me feel seen.

I tried to be perfect.

I became the ultimate people-pleaser.

And still, I never truly felt enough.

When that didn’t work, I shifted.

Poor choices in friends.

Boys who gave me attention—until they didn’t.

People who saw my need and used it.

The Pattern That Followed Me

This didn’t stop with childhood.

As an adult, I found myself in toxic relationships.

I was lied to, cheated on, manipulated, and emotionally dismissed—again and again.

And I stayed.

Hoping that if I loved hard enough, proved myself enough...they would finally choose me.

But they didn’t.

I'd finally walked away, broken—only to repeat the same cycle again.

I’ve Made It Easy for Them

Even now, I still find myself drawn to people who can't choose me.

Not always because they don’t care—but because I’ve made it easy.

I don't set boundaries.

I ignore red flags.

I give too much, too fast.

I offer my presence and emotional support without requiring much in return.

I just want to be happy.

And sometimes that desire makes me soften when I should stand firm.

I hold space for people who were never meant to stay.

And that energy—when given to the wrong people—looks like weakness to someone who’s only there to take.

When I’m Triggered

When I sense even a flicker of rejection, dishonesty, or being discarded—those old wounds erupt like a volcano.

I react.

I spiral.

Then comes the regret.

Ashamed. Embarrassed.

I retreat.

I overthink every word, every red flag I ignored.

All because of one tiny voice still whispering:

“You’re not enough.”

And the hardest part?

That voice isn’t hers.

It’s not his.

It’s mine.

The Truth I Face Now

I’ve been so focused on being chosen, I never realized I wasn’t choosing me.

I betrayed my own intuition to avoid being alone.

I gave pieces of myself to people who hadn’t earned them.

No one can consistently choose you if you keep abandoning yourself.

What I’m Committed to Now

I’m learning what it actually means to choose myself.

Not just say it—but live it.

Respecting my time.

Protecting my peace.

Not giving my trust away so freely.

And most of all—learning how to be okay, even when I’m not chosen.

Because the validation I’ve been chasing all these years?

It was always supposed to come from me.

And now—I will finally choose me.

Every single day.

To Anyone Who Feels This Too

You are not alone.

Your patterns do not define you.

Your past does not determine your future.

But your healing?

That part’s on you.

And you’re allowed to take your time.

You’re allowed to feel triggered.

You’re allowed to mess up.

But just don’t stop doing the work.

Because the freedom on the other side of this is everything.

You are your greatest love story.

And it’s time you start acting like it.

—

💬 Do abandonment wounds show up in your relationships? Have you caught yourself reacting from that unhealed place?

❤️ Heartfully Nicole