Stepping Back to Move Forward

Healing isn’t a straight path. It’s a winding road filled with highs that make you feel invincible and lows that test every ounce of your strength. If you’ve been following me, you’ve likely noticed the surge of social media posts lately—my overzealous, all-in nature taking center stage once again. It’s who I am. When I commit to something, I give it everything. My heart, my energy, my time—there’s nothing I won’t do to reach my goal. In my professional and creative life, this has always served me well. But in my personal life, especially in relationships, it has often left me drained, disappointed, and wondering why my effort is never reciprocated.

I love deeply. I give my heart without hesitation, pouring into the people I care about, filling their bucket, speaking their love language, doing everything I can to show my love and commitment. And yet, I am rarely met with the same. I’ve been with people who could barely give me 25%, let alone 100%. And then there are those who pretend to give 100%—only for me to discover they’re battling their own demons, using relationships as a distraction rather than as something to build. They’re always searching for something or someone to fill their void.

But here’s the truth: only you can fill the void inside of you. No amount of love, attention, or effort from someone else will ever be enough if you aren’t whole within yourself.

This realization has been a hard but necessary lesson. I am learning to slow down, to be okay with silence and stillness. To sit in my own company without feeling the urge to prove or produce. To stop seeking validation from others, even though words of affirmation are my love language—something that has made me an easy target for beautifully spoken but empty words.

That said, I will still be posting my journey—just not as many posts all day, every day. My social media following has skyrocketed, which is amazing. I want to touch as many lives as possible on this journey of healing and self-love. But I also recognize that I cannot pour from an empty cup, so I need to step back slightly. At some point, I do have an actual job to do. 😉 I’ve also committed to personal training over the next six weeks (summer is just around the corner, after all), making time for my closest friends, and—most importantly—soaking in every moment leading up to my daughter's wedding, which is right around the corner.

But let’s be real—don’t be surprised if you still see days where I’m feeling anxious, and suddenly I’m back to posting dozens of times all day long. 😂 Healing isn’t linear, and sometimes, expression is my way of processing. My overall goal, though, is to heal, to grow, and to become a support to others who are walking similar paths.

I won’t pretend I’m not hurting—you can probably tell in my words. But I won’t let it stop me. If anything, this pain has put a spotlight on areas of my life that I need to work on, the places I’ve neglected for too long. And maybe, just maybe, as I navigate this, we can all grow together.

It doesn’t mean I don’t want to connect. If anything, I want deeper, more meaningful connections—the kind where words are matched by actions. So don’t hesitate to reach out. If you need to see more of me, I want to know. I’m still here, still healing, still growing—just learning to do it at my own pace. 💖

-Heartfully Nicole