The Flight Response: When Escaping Feels Safer Than Staying

(Part 2 of 4 in the Fight, Flight & Fawn Series)

Understanding Fight, Flight & Fawn: How Our Bodies Respond to Emotional Stress

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The Urge to Run

When things get hard, some people fight. Others flee.

The flight response is our instinct to escape — to leave the situation, the conversation, the emotion, or even the relationship — in order to feel safe again.

According to Dr. Stephen Porges, creator of Polyvagal Theory, the flight response activates when our nervous system senses a threat and decides that escape is the safest path to survival. Sometimes that means shutting down emotionally. Other times, it means physically walking away.

And it’s not always dramatic. Sometimes it’s subtle — staying too busy, avoiding silence, or filling every moment with noise.

How the Flight Response Affected Me

This has always been my greatest challenge.

When my emotions get the best of me, I run.

I close off.

I leave

I isolate.

It’s not because I don’t care — it’s because I care too much.

When the feelings become overwhelming or I sense disappointment, rejection, or disconnection, my instinct is to pull away before I get hurt deeper.

For years, I told myself I just needed “space.” But what I really needed was safety. I thought leaving would protect me from pain — but it also protected me from healing.

When you’ve learned to survive alone, solitude becomes your safe place. But isolation isn’t peace — it’s a pause your heart never intended to last forever.

What the Flight Response Looks Like

Flight can show up in many ways — physical, emotional, or mental:

• Avoiding hard conversations or people who trigger your emotions.

• Leaving the room or ending relationships when conflict arises.

• Distracting yourself with work, fitness, or constant productivity.

• Numbing out with social media, TV, or scrolling late at night.

• Moving, changing jobs, or starting over to avoid unresolved pain.

At its core, flight says: “If I can just get away from the discomfort, I’ll feel better.”

And for a little while, you do — until the same emotions resurface again, asking to be felt.

Why We Run

The truth is, the flight response isn’t about weakness — it’s about survival.

Your brain doesn’t distinguish between emotional danger and physical danger; it just reacts.

When something feels like too much — too painful, too uncertain, too familiar to past hurt — the nervous system says, “Get out.”

As Dr. Peter Levine, author of Waking the Tiger, reminds us: “Our reactions are not logical — they’re biological.”

Running is your body’s way of saying, “I don’t feel safe right now.”

The problem is, when running becomes a habit, we start to confuse avoidance with peace.

How to Heal the Flight Response

You don’t have to stop running overnight.

You just have to start noticing when you do.

1. Recognize your patterns. What situations make you withdraw or disconnect? What emotion are you avoiding?

2. Create micro-pauses. When you feel the urge to leave, breathe. Give your body a moment to recognize that you’re safe now.

3. Ground yourself. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method — five things you see, four you touch, three you hear, two you smell, one you’re grateful for.

4. Re-engage slowly. Come back gently — send the message, finish the conversation, or just stay present a few seconds longer.

Healing the flight response isn’t about forcing yourself to stay

It’s about learning when leaving no longer serves your healing.

If You Forget the Steps

Even now, I sometimes find myself retreating when emotions rise.

When that happens, I remind myself:

“It’s okay to need space. But I don’t have to disappear to feel safe.”

If you find yourself running — physically, emotionally, or mentally — give yourself grace. You’re not broken. You’re protecting a version of yourself that once had no choice but to escape.

The difference now is that you know how to come home.

The Heartfully Nicole Reflection

The flight response taught me that running doesn’t always mean fear — sometimes it means fatigue. It’s the body saying, “I can’t carry this right now.”

But peace doesn’t come from distance — it comes from presence.

From learning to stay when it’s uncomfortable, to breathe when it’s heavy, and to remind yourself that safety isn’t about leaving the moment — it’s about learning to trust yourself in it.